When our daughter was born, we had four kids under 6, and three of them were rowdy boys.  They were full of energy with a tad bit of crazy mixed in.  

When I think back, I do so with a lot of fondness and smile at the happy memories.  But like all stories, there’s the good and the not so good.  It was also a time of deep heartache and difficulty.  It was more than just rowdy little kids.  There were days I wondered how we would make it through.  Everyone was in tears, relationships were fractured, and I was lost as a mother.  It’s hard for me to go back and sit in that space. There’s a lot I would change.  But I can’t.  I can only move forward and trust that the path will become clear.  And it does.  Today, I can look back with gratitude because I know the struggles strengthened us and shaped who we became as family members.  

Unfortunately, we don’t always have that same vantage point, and it’s all too easy to let feelings of overwhelm and discouragement take over with negative thoughts running amok.  In these moments, I find courage in the stories of others who have traveled before me.  Their strength, resiliency, and choice to embrace life inspires me to take small steps forward. 

Research shows that the same is true for our children.  Family stories invite a greater sense of belonging.  They help create a narrative and identity from which our children can draw when life gets tough. That story they’ve heard a million times about Mom turning down Dad’s invitation to their first date…that’s what we’re talking about!  Quite simply, those stories connect our hearts and increase our odds of making it through hard times.

So I ask, “Who inspires you?”  “Where do you find strength?” 
 Capture their story and share it.  Share your own story.  It’s a story worth telling.

 

If you are in the full swing of summer and feel like you’re running out of ideas, ask the experts!  Our kids know what they like and what’s important to them.  So when making plans this summer, make sure and get their input.  It may sound obvious, but sometimes in the hustle I forget to ask.

When I do, I’m the only one invested and I hear things like, “How come you always get to decide?  Why do we have to do this?  Whose idea was THIS anyway?  Seriously?  Do we have to?  Why do you get to choose?  Why can’t we ever do what I want?”   That gets old real quick and I end up feeling unappreciated and frustrated.  Sound familiar?   


Another part of the problem is when my kids are bored, they don’t really like my ideas.  What!?  I have great ideas!  But, if I have a way to reference their hopes and dreams, they are much more likely to engage.  

That’s where the summer bucket list comes in handy.  

• Simply ask each member of the family what they’d like to do this summer.
• Record their responses.  This is a brainstorming session so all ideas get collected and recorded. 

 "All the ideas?" you ask.  Yes, all of them.  Even the trip to the moon or as one of my teens listed,base jumping--yikes!!  Write it down and get creative later.  Moments of connection come in the simple everyday stuff.  Instead of a trip to the moon, throw a sheet over the kitchen table, grab a pack of glow in the dark stars from the dollar store, and lay on pillow beneath the table to create constellations.  Help older kids collect large cardboard boxes for space tunnels or rocket ships.  Use the list from your teenager for conversations points and discover areas of interest.

We aren’t creating a list of absolutes and we don’t have to worry about how or if we can accomplish everything.  Our goal is to hear the voices of our children and allow them to bring shape to our family.  A helpful phrase may be, “We won’t get to do everything but I want to hear what you love and enjoy.”

Two years ago it was notebook paper folded into fourths.  Last year we used multi color post-it notes that ended up on a designated kitchen cupboard.  These are the leftovers from last year.  Yes, still on the cupboard!

This year I used this design from Kate Hadfield and added a few questions for each child to fill out.  These questions are specific to my big picture for the summer.  (Design with questions available to download below!) Things that made our list:  learning how to cook wings, take a rock climbing class, go swimming at night, go on a cool hike, and many more way out of my reach!  However you approach it, keep it simple and post it somewhere for inspiration and flexible accountability.

Maybe we can’t go to the beach or the moon, but we can create everyday moments of connection.  For those outlandish ideas that make it on the list try this, “Ya know, I’m not really up for base jumping, pretty much outside of my comfort zone.  How could we bring that same style of fun to our summer?  What do you think?”  I’m thinking rock climbing gym, a sky diving wind tunnel, or watching base jumping videos together.  Whatever it is, stop and ask!  

When we invite the voice of our children into the planning process, we give them the gift of connection and communicate that they are a valuable part of our family.  Everyone wants to be heard!

Download and enjoy your free Summer Bucket List worksheet!

 

Tip #1:  Electronic devices—bring ‘em!  This is a great time to let the kids zone out. 
-Get some fresh movies and apps for the road.
-Screen shot the route of travel and identify cities/monuments along the way.  (Easy to do on paper and let kids color the route.)
-Think extra battery or portable charger!

Tip #2:  Music.  Take out the earbuds and listen together.
-Have each person pick 10 songs and ask older kids to create a family playlist.
- Laurie Berkner has great silly songs with a more soothing sound to the adult ear.  “Gross Songs Kids Love to Sing” by Twin Sisters is fun and entertaining for kids up to 10.

Tip #3:  Audiobooks.  This is as close to magic as it gets in our family.  Start a few hours in.  It’s a great distraction as people tire of movies and electronic devices.  Try a free membership at  Audible.com or check to see if your library has a digital system that allows for free downloads. 

Tip #4:  Shopping at Gas Stations
A long stop at the gas station makes me crazy.  I hate it!  My family loves it.  Indluge.  $3 per kid at the gas station works wonders if you didn’t plan enough snacks or they just need a pick me up.  

Hint:  Plan an extra little bit for the magic question, “Can I have 25 more cents!?” 
or
Respond with, “How much do you have to spend?  Choose quickly.”

Tip #5:  Pack plenty of snacks and a small cooler.  Granola bars only taste good for so long.  A quick sandwich on the road can be a big boost; especially if you are in the middle of nowhere.  Hungry kids = grumpy kids.

Tip #6:  Create a small store.  Grab a tub and fill it with snack or dollar store finds.  Then as each hour or 65 miles passes, announce shopping time.  

 Tip #7:  Give gifts.  Wrap small games or treats to pass out on the hour.  Even my teenagers liked this. The items only hold their attention for a short while, but it’s nice to break it up device use and connect with one another if even for a few minutes.  Ideas we've enjoyed:  playdough pictionary with mini-playdough tubs, pictionary with dry erase markers on the windows (older kids), card games, favorite candy bar, a new CD or movie to watch together. (Hide a download on their device).

Tip #8:  Plan for motion sickness.  Have gallon Ziploc bags tucked into pockets just in case.  Cinnamon bears or peppermint essential oils on the wrist help with mild nausea.

Tip #9:  Conversational Games seem to last longer than independent activities and help keep the driver awake.   "Would you Rather?"  "A my name is Alice" and "The Ungame" are easy to adapt for a long car ride.  

Tip #10:  Hand over the camera and see what delights make it back to you...a string of selfies, blurred images of fingers and toes, 500 cow pictures..who knows!?  

Above all, have fun!  That’s what this is all about, right?  
Remember, there is no magic formula!  Roll with the punches and enjoy the ride!

 Preparing yourself for a great road trip involves an honest look at reality.  

 Consider this scenario.  Because of school schedules, we did try Magic Formula #2 (See Part 1) recently and it was awesome!  The older boys flew to Utah and then drove home with us.  As we approached the return drive, I heard our oldest make a comment to his younger brother about how he’d better not act like “that” on the drive home or else it would be miserable.  To which the younger sibling replied, “Hey, just so you know, we had a great drive up here without you in the car.  We just listened to music and sang.  It was awesome!”  In my mind the unstated was, “So don’t tell me I’m the problem.”  

I loved it!  Don’t we always want someone else to be the problem?  Reality check, we are travelling with children.  They are unpredictable, emotional, and full of energy.  We know this AND we are agreeing to strap them into the car and be cooped up for a lot of hours; pretty sure this was NOT their idea.  

Tip #1:  Do it your style.  There are a lot of ideas out there.  Pick a few that match your family personality and the needs of your children.  Each child in your family might have a different approach.  Don’t worry about being equal and do not try to do it all!  Too much stuff in the car can create a big mess.  One kiddo might like silly putty and another might love audiobooks.  Play to their strengths.

Tip #2:  Be flexible.  Some days we can hit the road and pound through the miles with little fanfare and few stops.  Other days, stops at the gas station and roadside distractions are what make the trip.

My peeps exploring an unexpected roadside stop in AZ

 If you are travelling with a group, invite one another to stop and go as needed along the way, knowing you will meet at the destination.  

Things don’t always go as planned so build extra time into your travel plans.  Part of the fun is the journey so allow for some wiggle room.  

Tip #3:  Help things go right and keep it positive.  If I only interact with my kids when commotion arises from the back seat, then bummer for everyone.  I don’t think I have ever made a threat that is effective for longer than 3 minutes in the car--trust me, I've tried them all.  They just don’t work and I sound like a big 'ol grump.

 Be mindful and notice what is going well before the chaos breaks out.  

 When things do get tense, acknowledge the emotional state of the child, and help them walk through it.   “I know, you are so sick of this car.  It’s hard to be so close to everyone. Do you need to punch this 
pillow….take some deep breaths…take a walk….can I sit between you guys…hold your hand…read you a story? “

Often children want our help.  We just don’t want to be bothered and are irritated that our bag of tricks isn’t working.  This is where the flexibility comes in again.  Sit with them in the yuck of the drive and don’t worry about giving in.  

I remember one day we pulled over for nameless unhappy family members and found ourselves in the parking lot of an ATV outlet, a pawn shop, and a nail salon next door.  Odd combination, but perfect!  The boys went one direction, the girls another.  Half an hour later we were ready to keep going.

Tip #4:  Tell your family story.  Everyone loves to hear stories about themselves.  Funny ones are the best to start with and capture everyone’s attention.  “Remember the time, you stuffed your comforter in the fridge and we found it at breakfast….”  

If your brain is like mine, it can’t always access these fun stories on the spot so flip through your photos before leaving and come ready with a few memories of each family member.   Share stories of extended family members too.  Just follow the natural momentum and exchange that will follow.  It also helps to remember that you love these people you are travelling with!

Tip #5:  Give yourself permission to take a break.  Get out of the car until the crazy stops.  Put in your earbuds and do some deep breathing or listen to some music.  Go to the bathroom and don’t come out for a few minutes.  (Tell your adult cohort so they don’t wonder!)  Create some space until you, and they, are ready to be nice again.  

Remember, there is no magic formula!  It is unlikely that your road trip will be flawless.  You should actually count on tired kids and parents, maybe a few tears, and at least one moment of melt down (not promising it will be the child that does the melting).  If we accept the rough spots as part of the experience, we can enjoy the ride and move from moment to the next and create connection.

Check back Monday for some practical ideas on preparing the stuff and keeping kids entertained!

I love travelling and exploring new things as a family.  Because we have 4 children, that plan almost always includes a car and a really long drive.  But, honestly, I do not love long car trips.  The thought is painful to me. 

 I really try to have a good attitude.  It’s just not my favorite way to travel.  Watching my kids navigate security at an airport is so much more fulfilling than watching them sit next to one another in the car!  

I have this mental picture of what a road trip should look like.  You know, we’re all happy to be together, getting along, playing license plate bingo, and singing as we drive for hours!  Every once in a blue moon that happens, but often as I look in the rearview mirror, I see zoned out blank stares (my husband calls this bliss) or scrunched up faces of arguing siblings.  

Well, after 16 years of road trips with our family, I finally discovered 2 magic formulas.  Ready!?

 #1  
Get a 15-passenger van.  No touching, breathing on, crossing invisible boundaries or anything.  
Just one child per row.  Brilliance!

 #2
If you don’t have a 15-passenger van, which I don’t, fly at least half of your children to the final destination.  
Why half?  Because flying all of us is so darn expensive, but remove 2 people and you get a little peace.  I’m in.  Besides, it’s much cheaper than a 15-passenger van!!

Disappointed?  Me too!!  Just like all things in life there really is no one formula that makes everything run smoothly.

 The truth is, even with all of my hesitation, we have had some great road trip adventures.  And yes, despite a lot of practice and planning, we have had our epically rough days on the road.  Those days have become some of the best stories and treasured memories along the way.