Each summer our kids offer a neighborhood kids camp.  It’s a lot of work.  They plan daily activities and crafts, we shop together, prepare supplies, and then open the doors for a whole lot of summer chaos and fun.  My kids love it and look forward to it every year.  And, every year I get to learn the same lesson over and over again.

Despite my inner commitment to let our kids fully own the experience, it’s easy for me to step in.  I begin small by trying to control the chaos and mess, and I’m pretty good at it! But then, I start seeing more areas for improvement or efficiency so I start to help more.  Unfortunately, something else happens too.  I unwittingly send the message that despite their great efforts, they are not enough.  My kids step back,  the excitement in their eyes diminishes and suddenly I am dragging them along trying to get them to help more.  I end up exhausted, frustrated and wonder why I even agreed to this plan in the first place.

Then I remember, some years sooner than others, “Oh ya!  This is not my camp.  It’s Cox Kids Summer Camp—run by the Cox kids; not this Cox mom!  They have been taught, we’ve practiced, and they are ready for this.  So I slam on the brakes and regroup.  I shift to the role of advisor and support/safety crew.  I step back and get to watch the magic happen.  

The kids step into their leadership role and take ownership in the project again.  As they realize that someone better run the show, my pleas for help disappear and they are up and moving:  organizing, giving directions, interacting with their campers, finding creative solutions, leading games, and creating learning experiences for everyone.  Including me.  

I get to humbly experience my children in a new light as they grow more fully and become the wonderful beings they are.  Fun, full of life, messy, and creative kids with big hearts who love their campers!  And who get to practice cleaning up!  This hard work experience connects us.  I believe when we prepare our children and create opportunities for them to practice sharing ownership, we instill trust and promote growth.  It’s a beautiful connection to invite.   
 
What areas in your family need a little less you and a little more kids this week?  Pick one—just a small one.  Make sure it’s age appropriate!  Then, spend some time teaching, practicing, and getting ready to take a step back.  Bit by bit, the pieces will come together as you give the gift of becoming.

 

If you are in the full swing of summer and feel like you’re running out of ideas, ask the experts!  Our kids know what they like and what’s important to them.  So when making plans this summer, make sure and get their input.  It may sound obvious, but sometimes in the hustle I forget to ask.

When I do, I’m the only one invested and I hear things like, “How come you always get to decide?  Why do we have to do this?  Whose idea was THIS anyway?  Seriously?  Do we have to?  Why do you get to choose?  Why can’t we ever do what I want?”   That gets old real quick and I end up feeling unappreciated and frustrated.  Sound familiar?   


Another part of the problem is when my kids are bored, they don’t really like my ideas.  What!?  I have great ideas!  But, if I have a way to reference their hopes and dreams, they are much more likely to engage.  

That’s where the summer bucket list comes in handy.  

• Simply ask each member of the family what they’d like to do this summer.
• Record their responses.  This is a brainstorming session so all ideas get collected and recorded. 

 "All the ideas?" you ask.  Yes, all of them.  Even the trip to the moon or as one of my teens listed,base jumping--yikes!!  Write it down and get creative later.  Moments of connection come in the simple everyday stuff.  Instead of a trip to the moon, throw a sheet over the kitchen table, grab a pack of glow in the dark stars from the dollar store, and lay on pillow beneath the table to create constellations.  Help older kids collect large cardboard boxes for space tunnels or rocket ships.  Use the list from your teenager for conversations points and discover areas of interest.

We aren’t creating a list of absolutes and we don’t have to worry about how or if we can accomplish everything.  Our goal is to hear the voices of our children and allow them to bring shape to our family.  A helpful phrase may be, “We won’t get to do everything but I want to hear what you love and enjoy.”

Two years ago it was notebook paper folded into fourths.  Last year we used multi color post-it notes that ended up on a designated kitchen cupboard.  These are the leftovers from last year.  Yes, still on the cupboard!

This year I used this design from Kate Hadfield and added a few questions for each child to fill out.  These questions are specific to my big picture for the summer.  (Design with questions available to download below!) Things that made our list:  learning how to cook wings, take a rock climbing class, go swimming at night, go on a cool hike, and many more way out of my reach!  However you approach it, keep it simple and post it somewhere for inspiration and flexible accountability.

Maybe we can’t go to the beach or the moon, but we can create everyday moments of connection.  For those outlandish ideas that make it on the list try this, “Ya know, I’m not really up for base jumping, pretty much outside of my comfort zone.  How could we bring that same style of fun to our summer?  What do you think?”  I’m thinking rock climbing gym, a sky diving wind tunnel, or watching base jumping videos together.  Whatever it is, stop and ask!  

When we invite the voice of our children into the planning process, we give them the gift of connection and communicate that they are a valuable part of our family.  Everyone wants to be heard!

Download and enjoy your free Summer Bucket List worksheet!