I feel a lot of pressure to “do things right” or to “be the best” in life. I think it’s just a part of the culture we live in. I remember feeling it as a young girl. I was walking home from school with my best friend in first grade chanting, “I’m in the red reading group. You’re in the bluuuue group.” Can you guess which reading group was higher? Yep, red—it was the highest group. And even at a very young age, that somehow elevated me. Well, it elevated me until my mom caught wind of the event and sat me down for a lesson on kindness.
I remember growing up feeling this pressure to excel. Making the basketball and volleyball team wasn’t enough. I had to work to get better so I could start. Making the top band was great, but now I had to practice to get a higher chair, and the celebration came when I moved up or got the solo part. When I got the solo, I wanted to play it perfectly. Academically, it was getting the A and being in the advanced courses. Then it was about getting into a great college and earning scholarships.
I’m not sure really where the pressure came from. My parents never sat me down and said, “You must be the best at everything you do!” They just wanted me to work hard and have opportunities for growth.
What I internalized though is this need to be more; to show through my accomplishments that I am enough and that I am of value. It shows up in my adult life as I wonder about my outfit after a sideways glance from friend, as I fill my schedule with projects and appointments, say yes when I need to set a boundary, or doubt my decisions as a parent because I’m worried about being the cool mom.
It is flat out exhausting, and at times I’ve run myself ragged trying to keep up and be more.
So what is true? Is my worth dependent upon my accomplishments? Is it based upon the choices of my well behaved, scholarly, hard-working children? Do they define my value? Talk about pressure—and a whole different conversation!
No, of course not. I have great value just because I am here on this earth in all my imperfections. It’s hard to remember truth though when the negative voices can be so loud. Truth is having a choice. I control what stays in my mind. I can take the messages from the world or from my past experiences and internalize them, or I can give birth to new thoughts and beliefs. I can flip every negative thought if I choose. It’s hard work, but it’s possible. It’s my choice. Some of my affirmations are original thoughts and some I’ve picked up from others along the way.
I remember growing up feeling this pressure to excel. Making the basketball and volleyball team wasn’t enough. I had to work to get better so I could start. Making the top band was great, but now I had to practice to get a higher chair, and the celebration came when I moved up or got the solo part. When I got the solo, I wanted to play it perfectly. Academically, it was getting the A and being in the advanced courses. Then it was about getting into a great college and earning scholarships.
I’m not sure really where the pressure came from. My parents never sat me down and said, “You must be the best at everything you do!” They just wanted me to work hard and have opportunities for growth.
What I internalized though is this need to be more; to show through my accomplishments that I am enough and that I am of value. It shows up in my adult life as I wonder about my outfit after a sideways glance from friend, as I fill my schedule with projects and appointments, say yes when I need to set a boundary, or doubt my decisions as a parent because I’m worried about being the cool mom.
It is flat out exhausting, and at times I’ve run myself ragged trying to keep up and be more.
So what is true? Is my worth dependent upon my accomplishments? Is it based upon the choices of my well behaved, scholarly, hard-working children? Do they define my value? Talk about pressure—and a whole different conversation!
No, of course not. I have great value just because I am here on this earth in all my imperfections. It’s hard to remember truth though when the negative voices can be so loud. Truth is having a choice. I control what stays in my mind. I can take the messages from the world or from my past experiences and internalize them, or I can give birth to new thoughts and beliefs. I can flip every negative thought if I choose. It’s hard work, but it’s possible. It’s my choice. Some of my affirmations are original thoughts and some I’ve picked up from others along the way.
I am enough.
God has a plan for me and it’s a good plan.
Step out in faith.
I try because I trust.
I am courageous.
I connect.
I love and I am deeply loved.
Because I breathe, I am of worth.
God has a plan for me and it’s a good plan.
Step out in faith.
I try because I trust.
I am courageous.
I connect.
I love and I am deeply loved.
Because I breathe, I am of worth.
Because I'm practicing, I need constant reminders. They help center me and chase away old patterns of thought; patterns that I am ready to be done with. They remind me that my imperfections are a part of how my children are learning and growing and that the messy work we are doing is good.
If you follow Build Family Connection on Facebook you’ve seen “Mondays with Michelle.” These are some of my reminders. But let me tell you, when we started this idea, the thoughts that flooded my mind were, “Who quotes themselves? Your friends are going to think you are so stupid. People are going to think you are so full of yourself. You can’t do that. Who do you think you are? How embarrassing!”
Well, so what! I have spent way too much of my life trying to make other people happy and worrying about what people think. It is stifling and keeps me waiting for just the right moment to follow my dreams. Worse yet, it throws me into the hustle of proving my worth, breeds comparison and jealousy, and promotes criticism. Ugh--the sideline critic! Unfortunately, this all filters down to my children. Double ugh!
Fortunately, I get to create new patterns and I’m claiming space in the world for my voice of truth; one that finds value and strength in vulnerability and imperfection. That’s what Mondays with Michelle are all about. It’s part of a healing process; these consistent reminders to center and find joy. Sometimes it’s a small challenge to let go of control and live in the moment.
Whatever shows up on a Monday, it’s a journey and I’m inviting you along. I’m hoping like mad, that someone else can relate and find strength, but also trusting that my voice has value even if it’s just for me. And that is something I feel good about passing on to my children.
What keeps you strong and centered? What is your truth? I’d love to hear.
If you follow Build Family Connection on Facebook you’ve seen “Mondays with Michelle.” These are some of my reminders. But let me tell you, when we started this idea, the thoughts that flooded my mind were, “Who quotes themselves? Your friends are going to think you are so stupid. People are going to think you are so full of yourself. You can’t do that. Who do you think you are? How embarrassing!”
Well, so what! I have spent way too much of my life trying to make other people happy and worrying about what people think. It is stifling and keeps me waiting for just the right moment to follow my dreams. Worse yet, it throws me into the hustle of proving my worth, breeds comparison and jealousy, and promotes criticism. Ugh--the sideline critic! Unfortunately, this all filters down to my children. Double ugh!
Fortunately, I get to create new patterns and I’m claiming space in the world for my voice of truth; one that finds value and strength in vulnerability and imperfection. That’s what Mondays with Michelle are all about. It’s part of a healing process; these consistent reminders to center and find joy. Sometimes it’s a small challenge to let go of control and live in the moment.
Whatever shows up on a Monday, it’s a journey and I’m inviting you along. I’m hoping like mad, that someone else can relate and find strength, but also trusting that my voice has value even if it’s just for me. And that is something I feel good about passing on to my children.
What keeps you strong and centered? What is your truth? I’d love to hear.
RSS Feed